Infidelity: Forgive and let go

I’ve been cheated on in a relationship with one of my ex ex ex’s about a while ago. It was an awful experience because even though I am sure it was just a few minutes of thrill for them of doing something that was wrong and “fun” (and drunk – and no, that is never an excuse), his infidelity really haunted me for a while. For months after, I was obsessed with the idea of trying to understand why people cheat and why people want to hurt those who they care about and vice versa. One night, as I was pondering this inner conflict for the 21398th time, I had a visual of these two people committing infidelity on a dark night by the ocean. I could feel it, I could smell it, and I got chills. Being present with that imagery helped me really understand their temptations and shortcomings as humans and their proceeded guilt. This was my way of re-living my pain creatively to heal myself – forgiving them and truly letting go.

I can say that I have been completely healed from the aforementioned infidelity now for a few years now, and with active creative healing and meditating on this subject. But as with all bad situations, there is a silver lining, and I learned that every wound can eventually be healed, and every wound that heals eventually makes you stronger and more intuitive. I also learned, among many other incidents that happened since, that trust is crucial in a relationship, on both sides.

Now that I feel 110% healed from that situation and learned some important lessons, I can discuss them with a smile rather than a pained heart, I want to share something that has been fairly private to my stronger heart but with confidence I can say that I am comfortable sharing this merely as a piece of creative work, rather than a piece of my broken heart now. I present to you one of my favorite poems that I have written in the last few years still:

 

Infidelity

the lustful melodies of her breaths

imprisoned by the scent of her disgraceful charm

engulfed by his primal hunger, he is

disenchanted from his ancient vows, he

drowns

helplessly in her intangible affection.

The moonlight shivers across the sin;

the eerie stillness of the apathetic air and

the nocturnal silence

exhaust his innocence.

If your spouse or your significant other has ever been unfaithful (and I hope they are your ex at this point), I want to remind you that the best thing to do is truly forgive, not just forget, about them. Take the sharp thing they threw in your heart out, even if it takes a major surgery through creative writing, therapy, healing, etc. Because if your heart scars over the sharp painful thing in your heart, it can become a part of you and eventually slowly hurt you more in the long term. And it will be that much easier to find the cause or the location of that pain. Forgive them not because you let go of your pride, or because you care about them, but because you love you and you care about you.

– YC