My conversation with the Ocean
This morning, I realized how disconnected I’ve been feeling from my own soul.
I have been burying myself in my little studio apartment in Newport Beach – where I would learn and listen from my mentors, training videos, audio books, trying to fill my brain with as much information as possible.
I was leading with this masculine energy of building, achieving, succeeding. I would even meditate every day for a few minutes, but it was more so to check off from my “to-do” list, rather than to really make time to connect with myself.
This morning, I woke up at 4:50 am ready to take on the day and achieve, achieve achieve. – another day with masculine energy taking over.
.. then as I was making coffee and going into “doing” mode, I recognized this lack of feminine energy and it hit me really hard – and I felt my thirst to connect with myself for a moment – I need a balance.
So I changed my plans.
I put everything down – I left my cell phone at home and just started running towards the ocean.
I started running in silence, no audiobook, no music, to realize how much I haven’t been listening to ME, my own beautiful voice. I’ve bombarded myself with information and knowledge constantly, literally falling asleep to listening to audiobooks, reading, taking in SO much information in…
…yet I haven’t let my soul and brain breathe to really listen to ME and letting the extended silence echo back to remind me of my own voice in a long time.
Well, I am so glad I am going for this run, I thought.
Then I reached the sand at the beach, and I climbed these big rocks so I can be close to the waves and the abundant ocean.
I forgot how hungry I was to connect with my soul and nature. I sat down on this big sturdy rock, and it was still a little wet from the dew from the morning. I made myself comfortable for a meditation session.
I started matching my inhales and exhales with the waves crashing and tides coming in and out. I started to feel the breeze and the saltiness of the air tickle all my senses.
Before I knew it, I fell into a deep, meditative state and in my trance I started a conversation with the ocean.
I am so thankful for you.
Your tides coming in and out match my breathing and I feel so connected to you, and reminds me that you also breathe, just like me, and you are so alive.
These big rocks ground me; I love the weight you are able to share with me to create this stability and grounding.
Your waves crashing against these big rocks remind me how courageous and majestic you are.
I can taste the saltiness of the air and it reminds of my own tears I’ve tasted once – and reminds me that you have the wisdom and depth to understand me.
You are so full of love, nurture, and abundant and I am so deeply thankful for you.
You are a healer. You are a nurturer. You are so beautiful.
So glad you’re here. I’ve missed you.
Let me ask you, did you always feel that way about me?
There were times in my life where things got really difficult and I’d come visit you.
And your rocks felt cold.
You were so big and I felt so small.
You seemed to carry on your days so majestically with or without me, and it felt lonely in your big indifferent presence.
Have I changed?
I’ve been doing this for thousands, millions of years. Changes I’ve experienced in the last few years or maybe decades you’ve been even alive are minimal.
So what’s the only thing that’s changed?
I’ve changed. I’m the only thing that’s changed.
What you see in me, is what you see in you.
What you see in others, is what you see in you.
Right now what you see, is your own growth and change.
What you see is your own courage, your own beauty, your own majestic presence in your own being.
I am just a mirror.
I will be here as I am for a long time, and I will always be here to mirror you back to you.
….And I fell into tears, for this realization was so powerful, and I tasted the salty ocean on my lips as I opened my eyes.
And I said out loud before I started running back home “Thank you. I will come back soon.”